Design, Not Default

Everything came to a head.

It was as if God's grace disappeared all of a sudden.

Maybe it was the extreme heat that led to dehydration that led to poor milk supply that led to fussy baby and the need to nurse all day long, leaving everything else undone.
Maybe it was the un-pluggable milk duct.
Maybe it was the stress of the first week of a new school year.
Maybe it was the messy house and the piles of laundry everywhere.
Maybe it was the fleas we somehow ended up with and the fact that *I* was their new host.
Maybe it was the sleep deprived camping trip and all the packing, hauling, and orchestrating along with the logistical complexity of camping with a four month old.
Maybe it's the late night blogging ;-p

Whatever it was, I have been covertly losing it over here! As much of a 'do-er' as I am, I have come to the very end of my physical and mental ability and have entered a state of sheer discouragement by the fact that all my efforts thus far have amounted to nothing more than a big pile of muckety muck!

Kids bickering, shoes scattered on the floor, books and toys left all over, teetering piles of laundry stacked up everywhere, hungry mouths to feed, spilled food under the table, sticky stuff on the table, lego's they're 'still playing with' all over their room, piles of stuff out front waiting to be put away... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

And this is *after* I implemented my new schedule that I talked about here and here.

And my first guilty thought was "I should be content in this circumstance and just accept that this is the way it is. I need to learn to bear this yoke with joy. Shame on me for being frustrated, discontent, angry, short with the kids, miserable. If I would just stop getting upset, then everything would be fine!"

And there is absolutely truth to that, yet we shouldn't stop there. We should continue to pray and strive and seek wisdom and discernment, because in most cases, we don't 'just change'.

My husband once told me that he thinks the idea that you can go from problem to solution without hard work in between is one of the greatest tools of deception. It breeds discouragement. Because we try once, fail, and then resign to the fact that we will never be able to change. We tried and couldn't do it.

My husband actually takes people like me on as clients - to help them learn how to optimize their business rather than their home, but it really is so similar so I took my situation to him, as I often do, and he helped. A lot.

Sometimes you just can't see the forest through the trees when you're right there in the midst of it.

So for starters, he told me to make a list of all the problems I have in the home - on paper. It has to be on paper.

Here's the list I came up with off the top of my head:

-Meals sneak up on me and not everyone likes to eat the same things.
-Kids not patient about waiting for me to help them with school.
-4 month old fussing at times instead of eating, burping, playing quietly and going down immediately for a nap as my ideal schedule calls for.
-Child #2 dragging feet to get started when asked to do independent work.
-housework still undone even with kids doing their chores - dishes, laundry, vacuuming, clutter, etc.
-animosity between #2 and #3
-No time for grocery shopping/leisure in the afternoons.
-no time so I'm always rushing
-closet nightmare - my clothes are in piles so everything is wrinkled, I have to dig forever to find anything to wear.
-kids don't put things back.
-so frustrated with the condition of the home that I'm grumpy and unable to play and enjoy my kids.

Going over my list, he empathized with me. He then said some things that hit home.

"Whether you take the time to plan or not, you are living by a plan. Unfortunately the plan you have is a default plan and, how's that going for you?" {ouch!}

"What you want is a plan by design, not default."

"Because you have no good plan, you compensate by exerting control." {boy, did that remind me of CM's talks here and here.

He continued... "You lack discipline, not because you aren't capable of it, but because of a lack of focus. You have been disciplined and consistent in other areas before, just not in these areas. You've just never taken the time to focus on a good plan for everything you do."

"And then there is no joyful spirit in the doing - the kids obey, but Galatians 5:22 is out the window. And without joy, you resort to outlets."

In my case; chocolate. It makes me feel sooooooo much better. for the moment. But why stop there? Indulge in some bad thoughts; selfish thoughts and start blaming others. {ugh} {sigh}

So now that he had me feeling so fantastic about myself, he pointed me to the sensibility of a plan that I could have confidence in through prayerful discernment and wisdom.

We looked at the list again and he told me to pick out the top two things that cause me the most angst. So I picked meals and closet. Then because meals come three times a day, closet comes once, we decided meals was the place to start to give me the greatest relief.

He asked "What do you want your meals to look like? What would be ideal?"

My mind turned to how I currently open the fridge at lunch time to try and come up with some sort of lunch from the existing components - "how about cucumber and mayo on a tortilla?!"

So I answered, "I want to be able to make healthy, quick and easy meals that I don't have to think much about. I enjoy cooking and trying new recipes sometimes, but I need a standby plan that I can fall back on." So that became the goal.

By this point, I was figuring out what all I needed to do now. I started making another list of things the kids like to eat for lunch:

lunch meat sandwiches
tuna
hummus
bean & cheese burritos
chicken tacos
buckwheat noodles w/seaweed
onigiri (Japanese rice balls)
pasta w/olive oil & salt
fried rice (quick with leftovers)

From there, I made a shopping list of all the ingredients I would need to have on hand to make those items. My husband, who also used to create systems for a living as an engineer, said think of it this way:

Keep a stack of tuna in the pantry in the same place always. The kids know where it is and can always find it when they're looking for it. It's in the tuna spot. When you take a can and there's only 2 cans left, automatically write 'tuna' on the shopping list so you don't run out.

Sounds like creating good habits. This was nothing less than revolutionary to me. I have never had this kind of order in my home and am just now learning it. I'm sure this is all common sense to you all. Unfortunately, I never learned it.

Now, every which way I look, the wheels are turning in my head, wondering what else could be done more efficiently to simplify our lives. I'm hoping between the meals and the closet, I should be able to shave close to an hour a day.

Even though I've only figured out one tiny corner of a plan, and actual implementation is yet to be seen, I feel soooooo much lighter already. The entire tone of the home is lightened.

In the end, I don't think it was God's grace disappearing, it was His grace abounding! It just took a bit of intensity for me to come to terms *again* with my shortcomings and His perfection. And isn't that so often the way? In the valley we look to Him, seek Him, find Him. And in to the valley He sends us for our very own good.

If you have any tips on how you manage your home that you'd like to share, please do post them in the comments for us all to benefit from!